


Brendon Urie’s 100% Guaranteed-For-Success Foolproof Five Step Plan To Make Ryan Ross Fall Deeply, Irrevocably, & Unconditionally In Love With Him

by puptownfunk



Category: Bandom, Cobra Starship, Panic! at the Disco, The Academy Is...
Genre: Fluff, M/M
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-09-19
Updated: 2016-10-19
Packaged: 2018-08-15 21:05:44
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 5
Words: 9,357
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8072725
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/puptownfunk/pseuds/puptownfunk
Summary: It’s technically Jon’s idea, though Jon claims he washed his hands of the whole affair and was not even a little to blame for Brendon’s idea. Maybe a little, he admits afterwards to Spencer, but not even really then.  (In which Brendon is a man with a plan and pulls all his moves on Ryan Ross)





	1. prologue

It’s technically Jon’s idea, though Jon claims he washed his hands of the whole affair and was not even a little to blame for Brendon’s idea. Maybe a little, he admits afterwards to Spencer, but not even really then. 

Jon and Brendon are drinking together (although, really, Jon is drinking and Brendon is pining) when Brendon begins to sigh dramatically. “Jon Walker,” he says, buying his head in Jon’s arm, “Jon Walker, I hope you never have to be a man in love.” 

Jon frowns. “I am a man in love. Cassie.”

“Oh yeah! Sorry, forgot about her. I hope you never have to be a man with a broken heart.”

“Thanks,” Jon says, before shrugging Brendon off of him. “Anyway, what are you talking about? Ryan?”

Brendon glances over at Ryan. “Is it that obvious?”

Considering the fact that Brendon has been a) staring at Ryan pretty much since they woke up, b) talking about Ryan for the last hour, and c) groping Ryan on and off stage every chance he gets, yeah, Jon thinks it’s pretty fucking obvious. 

“No, not even a little. I’m just super perceptive.”

Brendon sighs again, looking at Jon with the saddest face he can muster. “Ryan doesn’t even know I exist.”

“He does,” Jon reassures him. “We’re in the same band and we spend like, every second together. I’m sure he at _least_ knows your name.”

“Not funny!” Brendon whines. “And that’s not what I meant. He doesn’t notice me like _that_.”

Considering the fact that Ryan is a) always staring back at Brendon and also sometimes staring at certain parts of Brendon, b) literally always talking Brendon even when it has nothing to do with anything (case in point: Jon showed Ryan some cute baby pictures of Cassie and Ryan told him that Brendon loved goldfish for some reason and he really wanted one for the bus but he and Spencer weren't sure if Brendon could handle the responsibility) and c) always letting Brendon grope him on and off stage, Jon thinks there is a pretty good chance that, yeah, Ryan does notice him like _that_. 

But he also thinks that Ryan is a little difficult and very stubborn and he doesn’t want to see Brendon hurt ever. So instead, he pats Brendon gently on the back. 

“What do you think I should do?” Brendon asks, looking at Jon with his big, trusting eyes. 

“Maybe…you could think of a plan? Just, like, a way to deal with it.”

Brendon’s eyes light up and he stands up. “Jon Walker,” he proclaims a little too loudly, “you are a genius.”

“Why is Jon a genius?” Spencer asks. Jon wonders for a second if he’s drunk or Spencer has mastered the art of teleportation because Jon could have _sworn_ he was across the room a second ago. 

Brendon laughs, clapping Spencer on the shoulder. “Oh, Spencer, you wouldn’t understand. You’re not a man in love.” He skips off, while Spencer stares.

“What about Haley?” he says, though Brendon is long gone. 

Jon gives Spencer the drink Brendon didn’t finish. “Don’t worry about it, buddy.”

 

* * *

 

Later that night in his bunk, Brendon takes a pen he stole from Ryan, a piece of paper he ripped out of Ryan’s notepad, and begins formulating a plan. 

He needs an awesome title, he thinks. So he writes “Brendon Urie’s 100% Guaranteed-For-Success Foolproof Five Step Plan To Make Ryan Ross Fall Deeply, Irrevocably, & Unconditionally In Love With Him”. It’s a little long, maybe, but it’s very cool and oozes confidence and makes him feel like he possibly has a chance. 

He spends the rest of the night reading articles about love and falling in love and having someone else fall in love with you. When he feels himself start to drift off (because, okay, most of these articles are really scientific and beyond boring) he decides that, yeah, maybe he deserves a break. So he plays Fall Out Boy Trial, which he had _promised_ himself he would only play for a few minutes, but he ends up playing till he beats it and the next thing he knows, it’s five in the morning. 

“Fuck me,” he mumbles and for some reason, he needs the plan tonight (or technically, today). He was so stupid for thinking Ryan could ever like him - he’s a stupid high school dropout with ADHD and Ryan’s a beautiful genius that is so out of his reach. 

Brendon can’t stop the flood of insecurity and there’s no way he’ll be able to sleep now, so he gets out of his bunk and walks to Ryan’s, just to torture himself. 

Ryan is curled up next to the wall, the way he does when Brendon lies in his bunk too. His hair is so messy and Brendon likes him _so_ much and he can’t shake the thought that there is a Brendon-shaped space in Ryan’s bunk. 

He decides that he can’t give up now. Maybe it’s all destined to blow up in his face but, fuck, Ryan is so perfect and Brendon is so fucked for him. 

Four hours and five cans of Red Bull later, he is a man with a plan. 

  1. Make yourself physically attractive to Ryan. Don’t just find out what’s hot too him - _become_ what’s hot to him. Make yourself irresistible.(Note: Find out what he likes by bribing Spencer. If that doesn’t work, hire Gabe and William as private detectives).

  2. Engage with Ryan intellectually. Show him you are his equal (even though you are 10000% not). Fake it for as long as you can and hopefully when you stop, he’s too deep in to care. If not, start taking college classes online and maybe hire a personal tutor. 

  3. Listen to him. Ask him about his problems and his day and other emotional stuff. This would be boring with almost anyone but Ryan, because Ryan is literally perfect and never boring.

  4. Secretly take him on a date. Practice your smooth moves and be a gentleman. Make him realize how great dating you (and, in the future, marrying you and spending his life with you forever and ever) would be.

  5. Hire Gabe & Bill as private detectives to find out if he likes you. If not,start over from step one. If he does, confess and live happily ever after.




Brendon feels invincible and relentlessly optimistic. Maybe it’s just the caffeine and sugar talking, but he thinks he has a pretty good chance with Ryan. 

 


	2. looking hella fine so i can call you hella mine

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Spencer is full-on grinning now. "Hmm…well, Ryan likes dark hair. Brown eyes. Oh, and muscles. Lots of muscles. Everywhere. Girl or boy, he just loves muscles.”
> 
> (In which Brendon works out, sort of)

_1\. Make yourself physically attractive to Ryan_

“Spencer!” Brendon exclaims. 

Spencer looks up from his phone. “Brendon?”

The seat Spencer is sitting on is technically meant for one, but Brendon squeezes himself in. Spencer does not look happy, so Brendon decides to give up on theatrics and cut to the chase.

He hands Spencer the  Target bag full of presents he brought for him. “I got some things for you.”

Spencer narrows his eyes. “Why?”

“Because I really appreciate you and you’re one of my closest friends. Also, this is totally unrelated, but I have a question.”

Spencer is opening the bag, which isn’t a good sign because it is literally just one drumming magazine and three packs of Tic Tacs and some napkins. He should have wrapped it so Spencer couldn’t look inside without being rude. 

Spencer pulls out the drumming magazine and looks touched. “Thanks Brendon! You know, my issue of this magazine was actually lost in transit, which is so weird and coincidental that you actually got the same issue.”

Brendon smiles lovingly like the good friend he is. “Anything for you, Spence.”

“Although,” Spencer frowns, “it’s weird because I told them specifically where we would be that day and also, no other magazine has gotten lost in transit and…did you peel off a mailing label here, Brendon?”

Brendon huffs. “Of course not! I am insulted that you even _thought_ I would _steal_ a magazine! Especially from my best friend and favorite drummer and the most talented member of our band, Spencer Smith!” He realizes too late that Spencer said nothing about stealing and hopes Spencer doesn’t notice. 

Spencer’s mouth quirks up at the very end, the same way Ryan’s does. Brendon both loves and hates it when they do it together because it’s their signature Mean Best Friends look but it’s also really cute, honestly. Especially on Ryan. 

“So you have a question?” 

Brendon gives him his best and most charming smile. “Yup! So…this is just for, you know, some research I’m doing.”

“You’re doing research?”

“Yup! Just - just for fun. You know how it is with us academic types!” He laughs and puts his arm around Spencer. “Anyway, I’m just doing some research about…attraction, and I was just wondering, what type of people is Ryan attracted to?”

Spencer’s mouth quirks up again. “Just Ryan? Specifically him?” 

Brendon laughs his least suspicious laugh and takes his arm off of Spencer so he can put it back around him again, in a gesture of friendship and goodwill. “Don’t worry, Spencer! I’ll ask him about your sexual preferences too.”

“Please don’t,” Spencer mutters. “Hmmm. I’m guessing you mean what type of boys he’s attracted to?”

Brendon feels his heart start to beat faster. “And girls! You know…it’s all good! Gay and straight and bi! It’s all….science!”

Spencer is full-on grinning now. “Of course. In the name of science. Hmm…well, Ryan likes dark hair. Brown eyes. Oh, and muscles. Lots of muscles. Everywhere. Girl or boy, he just loves muscles.”

“Really?” Brendon asks. He’s the whole package, besides the muscles, which he can get in like five minutes. 

“Yup. Now please get off. You’ve been suffocating me for the last ten minutes.”

Brendon jumps off the chair and hightails it out of there. He needs to get away before Spencer figures out that Brendon intercepted the drumming magazine to bribe him with. 

Although, really, it’s the mailman’s fault for signing it off to someone who was so clearly too cool to be Spencer Smith.

 

* * *

 

Brendon borrows weights and dumbbells and the like from the Cobra bus. Ryland is astonished that Brendon knew he hoards exercise equipment professionally. 

Brendon wants desperately to make a joke about all douches hoarding exercise equipment, but he needs Ryland’s help to carry everything to his own bus. So he bites his tongue. 

Until he finds out Ryland is literally the weakest human in existence and completely useless. He and Vicky-T heckle Ryland while carrying the equipment to Panic’s bus. 

When they aren’t grunting and sweating, Vicky-T asks him why he needs it all on his bus. It would be much easier to come over and use it.

So he spills the beans and they sit on the ground between their two buses while he tells her all about his winning plan to get Ryan.

When he’s done, she smiles genuinely. He likes that about her - no half smiles or cryptic quirks of the lip. Just a straightforward smile with nothing to decode. 

“Brendon, that is an amazing and adorable plan. I’m sure it’ll work.”

“Really?” He’s shocked someone besides him believes in him and his plan.

“100%! He pretty much looks at you with hearts in his eyes anyway.”

“ _Really_?”

She grins and nods. “Yup. Although, are you sure Spencer wasn’t joking about the muscles thing?”

Brendon frowns. “I never thought about that. But it can’t hurt, can it? And maybe it’ll turn him on, watching me exercise.”

Vicky-T looks skeptical. “Maybe,” she says. “But I really think you could do that in our bus, too. I can lure him in!” She grins, looking evil and pretty at the same time. 

“Vicky-T,” he tells her, “you’re my hero!”

“Thanks. I get that a lot. Also, we can make him jealous!”

Brendon tilts his head. “Will that really work?”

“Oh, yeah! Trust me.”

Brendon grins and hugs her, before looking around him. There are dumbbells and bolts and other things he doesn’t know the names of everywhere. “What do we do about this?”

“I’ll take care of it! Nate! Alex!”

After watching her sweet talk Nate and Alex (and also Gabe and William, who just happened to show up next to Gabe with disheveled hair and shit-eating grin that mirrored Gabe’s own) into carrying all the equipment back to their bus, Brendon decides that Vicky-T is, without a doubt, his hero. 

 

* * *

  

Brendon begins spending a lot of time over at the Cobra bus. At first, it’s only to exercise, but once he finds out that Gabe and William have had sex on most of the machinery, he’s pretty limited in terms of what he can do. Luckily, he’s not limited in terms of what he can eat, because Alex Suarez is the world’s best chef. 

He tells Alex this every time he sees him. “Alex Suarez, you’re my hero,” he proclaims after two particularly amazing slices of chocolate cake. 

Alex beams. “Thanks Brendon.”

“Don’t get used to it!” Vicky-T calls from the couch, where she’s playing Mario Kart with Ryland and Nate. “One week, you’re his hero. The next week, it’s the first person who makes him chocolate cake!”

“Ignore her,” Brendon whispers. “She’s just jealous because you’re my new best friend and confidant.”

“Speaking of which,” Alex whispers back, “how’s the plan to get Ryan going?”

“Oh, fucker.” Brendon groans. He totally forgot to exercise and get muscles. “How long do you think it’ll take me to get ripped?”

“A week, tops!” Nate yells from the other room. 

Alex shakes his head no. “A while,” he says. “But, honestly, I’m sure Ryan likes you the way you are.”

Brendon sighs, before hugging Alex. “I’ll see you in a week,” he tells the chocolate cake. He runs over to hug the rest of Cobra - who all look ready for murder after he disrupts their game - before running back to his own bus. 

He passes by Ryan, who looks up with the most beautiful, angelic face. “Brendon?”

“Can’t talk! Gotta work out!” He can’t let his past failures jeopardize the master plan. He just can’t. 

This time, he is determined. Don’t fuck it up, he tells himself. Don’t fuck it up, don’t fuck it up, don’t fuck it up.

For once, don’t fuck it up. 

 

* * *

 

He spends the next week barely eating and doing a lot of push-ups. Nate was kidding about being ripped in a week, but Brendon really does see results. When he curls up against Ryan to watch a boring documentary, Ryan frowns. 

“You feel different,” he tells Brendon, before snuggling back into Brendon. “I missed you,” he says quietly, into Brendon’s hair. Brendon feels his heart jump out of his chest. 

“Missed you too,” he whispers, feeling every part of him explode with happiness and love and warmth.

And then, “Wait…good different?”

Ryan shrugs. “Just…different.”

“I’ve been working out,” Brendon tells Ryan.

“Yeah, I noticed.” Ryan has that stupid, adorable cryptic look on his face.

“Do you think I look better?” Brendon asks before he can think. He feels stupid. 

Ryan looks at Brendon like he’s an idiot. “I think you’re perfect the way you are. Or, were. Either way.”  Brendon smiles and Ryan quickly adds “Anyway, our fans do. So. That’s what matters, right?”

 _Only you matter_ , Brendon thinks. He lays his head against Ryan’s chest. “We should have dinner with Alex Suarez one day. He’s the bassist for Cobra Starship. He’s also one of my closest friends.”

Ryan holds back a laugh. “Never heard of him. But sure.”

Ryan and chocolate cake. There’s nothing else he needs in life, ever. Besides dogs and caffeine and music and Jon and Spencer and some other things and people.

But really, it’s mostly about Ryan and chocolate cake. 

 


	3. you're not in on the nihilism

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “Watch out, Ryan Ross.” Gabe grins. “Brendon Urie is coming for you!”
> 
> (In which Brendon's kind of smart)

_2\. E_ _ngage with Ryan intellectually_

Brendon knows the next step will be the most difficult. But he’s ready for it. “Bring it!” he whispers to the copy of _Diary_ he borrowed from Bill. Took, really, but whatever. It’s not like Bill _reads_ when Gabe’s there. 

276 pages, one show, and two giant bottles of Mountain Dew later, Brendon is really mortified and kind of disgusted. Chuck Palahniuk is way too twisted and macabre for his own good, Brendon decides. 

Brendon borrows _Invisible Monsters_ next. And then _Survivor_ and then he walks in on Gabe and William and is scarred for life.

“You’ve been stealing my books?” 

Brendon tries to look at anything but the two of them, trying to erase the image of Bill’s bare butt from his brain forever. “I was just…borrowing them. Can you guys, please, put clothes on?”

“How _dare_ you?” Brendon thinks Gabe is more outraged than any person covered in whipped cream should physically be. “You come into _my_ room, you steal _my_ boyfriend’s books in the middle of the night, you interrupt _my_ important and romantic occasion to criticize _my_ sex life! You’re lucky I didn’t call the authorities! What excuse do you have your sleeve this time?” Gabe starts to stand up and Brendon sees other things he had never wanted or planned to see.

So he blurts out “Ryan” and bolts. 

Palahniuk _sucks_. 

 

* * *

 

Brendon knows being well-versed in literature isn’t enough for someone as smart as Ryan. Luckily, he’s best friends with a bus full of college graduates. Besides Nate, who he’s not sure even really existed before Cobra. 

Unfortunately, as he soon finds out, pretty much everyone is useless. 

“I majored in film,” Vicky-T says, frowning. “I mean…I can teach you about the different eras of film and the best kinds of cameras to shoot with.”

“No,” Brendon says sadly. “No offense, but that’s pretty much useless. For Ryan, anyway. Also, if you majored in film, why is Cobra Cam in such terrible quality? Actually, how did you even get it to be such bad quality? Is that artistic?”

Vicky-T shrugs. “Sure. It’s artistic. Or it’s just Gabe.”

“I went to culinary school, mostly,” Alex tells him. “I can teach you how to cook, if you want.”

“No,” Brendon sighs. “Although you could make me a snack to cheer me up!” he says, perking up a little. 

“Sure thing,” Alex says, grinning. “And when you and Ryan get married, I’ll cater the wedding.” 

(Brendon can’t help but thinking that he will never have a wedding for Alex to cater.)

“I can teach you how to act,” Ryland offers. “And the art of theatre, and other things like that.”

Brendon buries his head in his arms. “Maybe later, you can teach me how to act is if my heart isn’t broken in a million pieces.”

Ryland pats his back. “Sure,” he agrees. 

“I never went to college,” Nate says. “But I can teach you how to drum!”

Brendon groans. “Spencer could teach me how to drum!”

“Could he though? Could he really? Could he teach you as well as I can?”

Brendon thinks about it. “Probably not,” he admits. “But that won’t show Ryan how smart I am.”

“You want to show Ryan how smart you are, huh?” Brendon looks over at Gabe, who seems to have appeared literally out of nowhere. He’s smirking. 

“Yeah,” Brendon says. “It’s my plan, remember? I told you about this. I told literally everyone about this.”

Gabe’s smirk deepens and he beckons Brendon to come closer. Brendon walks over to him. “I can help you. But I need a favor.”

“What can you teach me?” Brendon asks suspiciously. 

“Everything!” Gabe is grinning. “I am well-versed in everything and also, I majored in political science and philosophy, both of which are super pretentious and should get you in Ryan's pants in no time!”

Brendon smiles. “Really? What about getting into his heart?"

“Yeah, that too! But I need a favor, remember?”

“Oh my god,” Brendon’s eyes widen. “Do you want me to have sex with you and _Bill_?”

“NO!” Gabe shakes his head emphatically. “No, Jesus fucking Christ, what’s wrong with you?”

“Thank God,” he breathes. He likes Ryan a lot (maybe even loves Ryan) but not enough to do that. He has _some_ dignity. Maybe not much, but some. It’s there, anyway.

“I want Ryan to have sex with me and Bill.”

“WHAT _?_ ”

“Just kidding!” Gabe lowers his voice. “I need you to help me plan Bill’s surprise party. It’s, you know, not for a few months, but I can’t really trust anyone here to keep their mouths shut. Around Bill. Or ever, really.”

“I can hear you!” Nate calls.

Gabe frowns. “Then stop eavesdropping, Nate. Jesus. It’s basic etiquette.”

Nate huffs and Brendon smiles. “It’s a plan,” Brendon tells him. They shake hands. 

“Watch out, Ryan Ross.” Gabe grins. “Brendon Urie is coming for you!”

 

* * *

 

As it turns out, Gabe is a really awesome teacher. He is patient and fun and only teaches Brendon the things that make him sound the smartest. Which, really, is all he wanted to learn anyway. 

“Young Brendon Urie. You have shown great promise and I am so glad I took you on as my protege. Bilvy and I are actually thinking about adopting you-, but-,”

“No,” William interrupts. “We’re not, Brendon. We’re not going to adopt you.”

Gabe makes a whining noise and looks at William with big eyes and a pronounced pout. “Please?”

“Fine,” Bill amends. “Maybe. Let’s see how he does today.”

Gabe claps his hands with glee and kisses William sloppily on the nose. They exchange disgustingly adorable looks. Brendon clears his throat and Gabe reluctantly turns away from William. 

“Anyway. Brendon, you’ll be practicing with Bill today.”

Brendon nods determinedly. “Okay,” he says, but Gabe goes on.

“Bilvy, this is Brendon Urie. He is a singer with a big gay crush. Since I have a lot of experience in this area, I’ve decided to take him under my wing. Brendon, this is Bill Beckett. He is the single most talented and perfect human being on this whole planet. Also, he is my lover. Brendon, you’re pretending William is Ryan. Dazzle him with your intellect! Bill, you’re Ryan. Try to be emo and constantly bored. Okay, go!”

“Hi,” Brendon says, extending his arm. “I’m Brendon.”

“Pause!” Gabe looks a little confused. “Brendon, he knows who you are. Start over.”

Brendon bites his lip. “Hey, Ryan.”

William flips his hair, scowling. “I’m Ryan fucking Ross. I don’t have time for this! Spencer! Jon! Bring me my neckerchiefs!”

Gabe shoots Bill a thumbs-up. “Try to engage him, Brendon,” he whispers.

“Um, okay. Lately, I’ve been reading Palahniuk and -,”

William interrupts. “You’ve been _reading_ Palahniuk? I’ve been _breathing_ Palahniuk! I’m _living_ Palahniuk! I _am_ Palahniuk.”

Gabe applauds. “You’re killing it. That’s exactly Ryan.”

Brendon sighs. This is going to be harder than he thought. 

 

* * *

 

 

After about a hundred more practice trials with William, Brendon is _ready_. As ready as he can be, anyway. 

At the next Cobra party, after one final run-through with William (who knocks Brendon over with a bear hug before confessing he can never love Brendon the way Brendon wants him to - he’s heads over heels in love with Gabe), Brendon corners Ryan. Nothing, he decides, nothing can really be worse than William pretending to be Ryan and then making out with Gabe for five minutes straight. Without even breathing. Jesus. 

“Hey,” he says, smiling at Ryan.

Ryan smiles back. He’s wearing one of Brendon’s worn-out T-shirts, probably by accident, but he looks so cute and Brendon wants so badly to kiss him. “Hey,” Ryan says, grabbing his hand. He drags Brendon to a couch and they sit. 

“Hey,” Brendon says again because Ryan Ross has invaded his brain and he can’t think of anything even semi-intelligent to say. 

Luckily, Ryan doesn’t seem to notice. He’s staring at Alex and Ryland, who are both downing shots at an alarming rate. 

Brendon clears his throat. “So,” he tries again. “So, Ryan -,”

Ryan interrupts. “You’ve been spending a lot of time with Cobra lately.” His focus has shifted and he’s now staring at Gabe and Bill. 

Brendon shrugs. “Yeah. Gabe and I have been…talking. A lot, really. About - philosophy. And…other intellectual matters.”

Ryan frowns and looks at him. “About…philosophy?”

“Yeah! You know, something I’ve really noticed about Palahniuk is - he’s really a bizarre type of nihilist, you know? I don’t even think he’s a nihilist, really. More of a romantic - not, you know, with a capital ‘R’ but -,”

Ryan interrupts, his brow furrowed. “Wait, what? Since when do you read Palahniuk?”

“Oh,” Brendon says, waving his arm around. “You know. For a while now.”

Ryan looks intrigued. “And…you like him?”

Brendon bites his lip, and decides to be honest. “Well - not really, honestly. He’s kind of disgusting and depressing.”

Ryan smiles fondly. “He really is.”

“Yeah, anyway - I mean…uh, what do you think of nihilism in general?”

Ryan’s mouth quirks up at the very end. Brendon kind of wants to kiss him forever. 

“What do I think? About nihilism?”

“Yeah,” Brendon says, wondering why Ryan is repeating him. Is he pronouncing it wrong? Oh, fuck, he’s probably pronouncing it wrong. Maybe the ’n’ is silent. Or maybe it isn’t even a word. Maybe he just misunderstood Gabe and totally made up his own word. Fuck, fuck, fuck-.

“Honestly?” Ryan asks, before checking around surreptitiously. He leans in closer to Brendon. His nose scrapes Brendon’s ear for the smallest second and Brendon wants to die. 

“Honestly, I never really understood nihilism,” he whispers. “I mean, I get Nietzsche and all - just the movement itself. Or the philosophy. It’s weird and confusing. Why would anyone want to stand for - well, essentially nothing?”

“Fuck nihilism” Brendon whispers back. Ryan laughs. “Fuck Nietzsche and his weird name too.”

“Fuck Nietzsche,” Ryan agrees. His noise crinkles a little and Brendon wants to kiss him all over his face. Instead, he scoots closer to Ryan. Their legs touch and the warmth vibrates through Brendon’s body.

They stay like that the rest of the night, talking quietly about nothing and everything. It reminds Brendon of the nights when they first started touring. He was always too excited and energetic after the shows to sleep and Ryan rarely slept back then. 

They would talk until they fell asleep, curled against each other on the too-small couch. It was uncomfortable and Brendon always woke up feeling too tired still. His limbs were sore and stiff, tangled awkwardly around Ryan’s.

But that was how Brendon fell in love - because, fuck it, this _is_ love.. He fell in love with Ryan’s midnight secrets and the shadows that danced under his eyelashes when he fell asleep. He fell in love with the way Ryan laughed then, unabashed and half-wild, and the way he listened, his eyes trained on Brendon’s and his fingers wrapped around Brendon’s. 

And he falls in love again tonight. Everyone passes out around them and they keep talking, quiet and honest. They watch the sun rise through dusty windows with half-broken blinds. Ryan looks at him.

“Kind of reminds me of the beginning. Remember how we’d stay up all night?”

Brendon smiles and nods. His vision is growing bleary and part of him wants to give up on the plan and just kiss Ryan with everything he has. 

He never feels inadequate and stupid like this, after nights he spends with Ryan. He feels like someone with thoughts that matters. 

Until he wakes up with his best friend’s arms around him and realizes he’s really a huge idiot. For everything but especially for Ryan. 

Ryan curls up against Brendon, halfway to sleep already. It’s too late to kiss him, Brendon thinks. 

“Ryan,” he says quickly, before he loses his nerve. “Ryan, do you think I’m stupid?”

Ryan looks up at him, crinkling his nose again. “Why would I think that?”

“Because I never graduated high school and I don’t know if I even pronounced nihilism right.”

“Well,” Ryan says carefully, “I never graduated college. And, I mean, it was mostly right.”

Brendon sighs. “But, you’re smart. You write so well and you know everything about everything.”

Ryan looks at him. “I promise you’re smart. I wouldn’t have let you into the band - _my_ band - if I thought you were an idiot.”

“But you did _think_ I was an idiot. You said so.”

Ryan waves his hand tiredly. “Well, I only said it to motivate you. I promise you’re smart. I think so, anyway.. And _you_ write well and you play music better than I do. And there are things you know that I don’t. A lot of things. Like…Mario Kart. And nihilism, apparently.”

Brendon frowns. “That’s not real smarts.”

“It is. It’s…different, but I promise it is and I promise you are.”

Ryan sounds genuine and Brendon knows he’s more honest now than ever. So he silently declares step two a success and tucks his head into Ryan’s shoulder.

Ryan pats his head clumsily. “Go to sleep,” he says softly.

Brendon dreams of light brown eyes and soft touches under the moonlight. 

 


	4. i came here to make you talk tonight

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> After all, he’s pretty much staring at Ryan with hearts in his eyes all the time. How much harder can listening be?
> 
> A lot, as it turns out.
> 
> (In which Ryan talks. Sort of)

_Listen to Ryan_

The next step, Brendon thinks, will be a piece of cake. After all, he’s pretty much staring at Ryan with hearts in his eyes all the time. How much harder can listening be?

A lot, as it turns out.

He starts with breakfast. “Hey,” he asks Ryan,“how’s your day?”

“More like how’s your gay!” Jon chimes in. He and Spencer high-five. 

Ryan stares. “That makes literally no sense at all. Like, do you mean I own a gay person? Or…is my gayness its own noun? And you’re asking how it is?”

“Well,” Jon says, “it’s a joke. It doesn’t have to make sense.”

“Wait, yeah it does.” Brendon says, frowning a little. “Like, if a joke didn’t have to make sense, then anything that didn’t make sense would just be a joke.”

Spencer shakes his head. “Not necessarily. I mean, that’s kind of… _dangerously_ equating nonsense with jokes, but Jon wasn’t doing that. And some things that don’t make sense _are_ funny.”

“Well, yeah, but they’re not funny _because_ they don’t make sense.” Ryan says.

“Yeah, exactly. _You’re_ making some dangerous assumptions, Spence!” Brendon and Ryan high-five.

Spencer narrows his eyes. Ryan sets his scowl.

Really, though, it wasn’t Brendon’s fault. Whatever Jon says, it wasn’t. Screw Jon Walker. He totally could have stopped the fight, but he chose to sit there and eat popcorn. Which he wouldn’t even _share_. 

Anyway, it was totally not Brendon’s fault. He was just trying to be nice to Ryan. He could not have known that Ryan would have thrown Jon’s flip-flop at Spencer’s head. Or that Spencer would try to choke Ryan with his own neckerchief. 

He sidles up to Jon as they watch the fight unfold. Screw Jon Walker, he decides. Screw Jon Walker and his love for puns.

Brendon totally steals some of his popcorn anyway. 

 

* * *

 

The party’s on their bus this time. Sisky downs three shots and probably _seven_ joints before draping himself over Brendon. Which, honestly, is really annoying when all Brendon wants to do is sit down next to Ryan and talk. Or listen, technically. According to his plan, anyway.

“Ryan, you and Brendon are kind of gay,” Sisky slurs. 

Brendon frowns. “Really?” And then, “Wait, I’m Brendon.”

Sisky giggles. “Same thing! Vicky-T sent me here to make _someone_ jealous!”

His face is dangerously close to Brendon’s and Brendon realizes, with tremendous horror, _Sisky is trying to kiss him_.

“Get off me!” Brendon hisses. Sisky hiccups and giggles even louder. 

Brendon grabs Sisky’s hand, if only to keep him from falling, and drags him over to where Vicky-T and the rest of Cobra (plus William who is always running off with Cobra instead of stopping his dumb so-called best friend from trying to fucking _kiss_ Brendon)

“Brendon!” Vicky-T exclaims. “We were waiting for you!”

“Really?” Brendon asks, confused. 

“No!” Gabe shrieks. He and Bill burst into hysterics. 

“Stop it,” Brendon orders them. He lets go of Sisky and looks at Vicky-T. “Why the fuck is Sisky trying to _kiss_ me?”

Gabe starts laughing so hard he literally falls down. That shuts him up for a little bit until Bill trips over his leg and falls down into his lap. They both start laughing again. 

Brendon kind of wants to kill them.

Vicky-T looks at him before whispering something to Alex. 

Ryland waves at him. 

“What?” Brendon asks.

“Hi!” Ryland stage-whispers, before bursting into giggles. 

Brendon decides to give up on them and try to find Ryan when he feels something warm and wet against his ear. _Holy fucking shit, Sisky just licked his ear_. 

“AHHH! WHAT ARE YOU DOING?”

Sisky just giggles and Brendon pushes him away. He falls into Bill’s lap and the three of them collapse even further into laughter. 

“What the fuck is going on?”

Vicky-T glances over at him. “Is he talking to us?” she whispers to no one in particular.

“Yes! Oh my God! Who else would I be talking to?”

She pouts. “Stop being so mean!”

“Oh, I’m sorry. Did I mention that Sisky threw himself at me and just _licked my fucking ear_?”

“We’re making Ryan jealous,” Alex explains, as if Brendon is an idiot. 

“ _What?_ ”

“Here,” Vicky-T says, shoving Alex to him. “Make out with Alex.”

“No!” Alex protests. “I have a girlfriend.”

“Fine! Make out with Nate!”

Nate looks over at them. “Did someone say my name?”

Vicky-T leaps at him and starts to pinch his cheeks. “You are so cute!” Nate laughs, looking delighted. “Now go make out with Brendon!”

“Okay!”

“No!” Brendon exclaims. 

Ryland giggles. “Brendon!”

“What?” Brendon snaps.

“Hi!”

“Make out with Gabe!” Vicky-T yells. 

Bill pushes Sisky off of him and wraps his arm protectively around Gabe. “Over my dead body!” 

“Make out with _Bill_!” Sisky giggles. “He’s _gay_!”

Gabe shoves Sisky and then glares at Brendon. “Brendon Urie, if you touch Bilvy, I will literally cut off your penis and feed it Ryan. Alex will help me. We have a deal.”

Brendon looks at Alex who smiles and shrugs helplessly. 

Fuck his plan, Brendon decides. For tonight anyway. If he stays sober, he might end up killing somebody.

 

* * *

 

 

Brendon is lying on the floor with Ryland and Alex. They’re all laughing hysterically for a reason Brendon can’t really remember when he sees a pair of familiar feet.

He struggles to pull himself up to a sitting position. “Ryan!” he exclaims, wrapping his arms around Ryan’s beautiful legs. Every part of Ryan is so beautiful and perfect. He wants to kiss all of it. 

“Brendon,” Ryan says quietly. Brendon looks up and sees Ryan’s face break out into his favorite half-smile. “Wanna get up?” Ryan asks.

Brendon nods. Anything to get closer to Ryan’s face.

Ryan holds out his hand and doesn’t let go even after Brendon is up. Brendon leans against Ryan, marveling at Ryan’s strength. He didn’t know Ryan was actually the Hulk. Honestly, if Ryan was green and ten feet tall, he would still be pretty hot. 

“Ryyyyyyyyyyyyyyro! You’re so _strong_!”

“Or just sober,” Ryan mutters, before looking over at Brendon. There’s something unfamiliar in his eyes and his smile is gone. Brendon feels afraid for some reason and pulls away.

“Don’t be mad,” he says quietly. 

Ryan’s face softens. “Why would I be mad?”

Brendon isn’t sure anymore. He wants to put distance between this Ryan and the Ryan with half a frown and unfamiliar eyes. “Let’s get drunk!” he suggests. 

Ryan’s lips quirk up. “Maybe you should lie down.”

Brendon doesn’t want to lie down. So he pokes Ryan’s nose. “Boop!”

Ryan looks bewildered, as if no one has ever booped his nose before. Brendon giggles and does it again, but this time with his nose. 

He stays like that, though, looking into Ryan’s eyes. They’re his favorite color, Brendon decides. They’re half green and half brown and they change sometimes, in the light. Not that Brendon stares. 

Except he totally does.

“Kaleidoscope eyes,” he says to himself. 

“What?” Ryan asks. His voice is so quiet and his nose is scrunched up. The boy with kaleidoscope eyes, Brendon thinks. He moves closer and their lips are almost touching.

“Ryan,” he breathes. Ryan inhales harshly and Brendon wants to think, needs to think that Ryan is breathing in his love in excess. Fuck the plan and fuck everything that may or may not happen as a consequence. Fuck the whole world besides Ryan. 

Until a drunk Bill Beckett breaks up their bubble by singing “Brendon and Ryan sitting on a tree!”

Ryan jumps away and Brendon feels his heart deflate. 

William giggles. “Did I interrupt something?”

“No,” Brendon mumbles, purposely keeping his eyes off Ryan. 

“Good!” William claps before stealing Ryan’s neckerchief straight off his neck. “Catch me if you can!”

“I’m not going to chase you,” Ryan tells him. Although he does, after Bill wraps the neckerchief around his neck, smudges some marker over his eyes, and runs around screaming “I’M CRYAN ROSS! CERTIFIED EMO EXTRAORDINAIRE!” 

Over and over. At the top of his lungs. Brendon is a little in awe.

Sisky comes out of nowhere to sling his arm around Brendon’s shoulder. “Gotta admire the pipes on that kid,” he chimes, pointing in Bill’s general direction. 

“Yeah,” Brendon says, feeling noticeably sober and disappointed. 

“There’s someone who really can’t handle his liquor though.”

Brendon decides not to say anything. 

 

* * *

 

Brendon wakes up in Ryan’s bunk. With Ryan there. He feels a giddy excitement until he notices Ryan is pressed up against the wall, staring at his phone, and pointedly not touching Brendon at all. 

“Hey,” Brendon croaks. His head hurts a little, but nothing he can’t handle. 

“Hey,” Ryan says monotonously, not bothering to look up from his phone.

“Sorry,” Brendon says, feeling stupid and unwanted. He probably crawled into Ryan’s bed, drunk and desperate, and Ryan was too nice to kick him out. “I must have wound up here somehow.”

“Sisky pushed you in here,” Ryan says, finally looking up from his phone. His voice sounds venomous and his eyes have that unfamiliar look in them again. 

“Oh my God! Did he try to kiss you too?”

Ryan looks confused. “No. Did you - did he kiss you?”

Brendon makes a face. “He _tried_ to! He was all over me because Vicky-T told him to! He even _licked my ear_! It was disgusting.”

Ryan’s eyes soften and he leans into Brendon the tiniest bit. “Sounds awful,” he says.

“It was,” Brendon affirms, nodding his head vigorously. Ryan’s leg presses against his and he decides to go on with his plan. “Anyway, how _is_ everything?”

Ryan smiles. Small but genuine. “Everything?”

“Everything!”

Ryan tentatively curls his fingers up in Brendon’s hair. Brendon leans into the touch and Ryan talks until their stomach starts to grumble. 

“I’ll make pancakes,” Ryan says and Brendon cheers. 

“I’ll help!” he offers.

Ryan pauses before nodding. “You can whisk. Just be _gentle_ this time.”

Ryan takes away Brendon’s whisking privileges but whatever, because Brendon can watch him with unabashed admiration. Anyway, the pancakes are fucking delicious. 

Brendon goes to wake up Jon and Spencer for pancakes (he wanted to pile pancakes on their face until they woke up but Ryan said they didn't have enough batter) but Ryan stops him.

“Brendon, wait.”

“Yeah?” There is a little bit of whipped cream on Ryan’s lip and Brendon kind of really wants to lick it off.

“Never mind,” Ryan says, averting his eyes. 

Brendon walks back, sliding next to Ryan. “Tell me.”

“Last night…you said I had kaleidoscope eyes. Why?”

Brendon feels his chest tighten. Fuck, he totally forgot about that. He almost _kissed_ _Ryan_. Fuck him. It can’t be that bad, can it? Ryan doesn’t look mad, just confused. Maybe he just imagined everything. He was pretty drunk. He needs to mention that. 

“Just…I was drunk. And your eyes looked pretty,” he says lamely.

Ryan almost looks a little disappointed. “Okay,” he says.

“They change color,” Brendon tells him suddenly. “They swirl around and change color. That’s…like a kaleidoscope. And, the Beatles. You like them.”

Ryan nods, smiling a little. “Yeah. The Beatles and Palahniuk and neckerchiefs. That about sums me up.”

“And shoes,” Brendon adds.

“And you,” Ryan says quietly and Brendon feels his heart flutter out of his chest. “And - and Spencer. And Jon. And the band.”

“Yeah,” Brendon says giddily. “And the band.”

He's so in love and so, so fucked. 

 


	5. touring in jersey means jealous friends & quasi dates

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> He turns around a little to look at Ryan, who’s smiling in his sleep.
> 
> Fuck.
> 
> He really hopes this works out. 
> 
> (In which Brendon secretly courts Ryan and kind of kills it)

_Take Ryan on a date._

Brendon collapses dramatically on the couch next to Jon and groans loudly. 

Jon ignores him and keeps texting. So Brendon groans louder.

Jon looks up. “Dude, is something wrong with your voice?”

Brendon shields his face and moans, “Nothing’s wrong, except the fact that my heart is broken and I’m going to die alone.”

“Thank God. I thought it was something serious.”

Brendon uncovers one of his eyes to glare. “Jon!” he whines.

Jon laughs and scoots closer, putting an arm around Brendon and tugging him into a hug. “Is this about Ryan?”

“Shhh!” Brendon whispers. “We need a codename for him.”

Jon’s eyes light up. “How about Sir Gay Scarves-a-lot?”

“No,” Brendon says. “That’s too obvious.”

Jon leans back, frowning. “You’re right. Hmmm. Garyo? Like Ryro, but gay.”

Brendon thinks. “How about just…Gary?”

Jon sighs. “It’s not funny, but it’ll do. Hey, wanna play Mario Kart?”

“Sure! Wait, no. I need your help. With Ry - Gary! With Gary. Give me some advice on romance. You’ve probably dated someone before.”

Jon huffs. “I _am_ dating someone. Cassie.”

“Oh, yeah! Forgot about her.” Jon’s beard is quivering a little so Brendon quickly continues. “Anyway! What’s something romantic you’ve done? Or do? Like date-wise?”

Jon quirks his eyebrow, smiling. “You’re taking him on a _date_?”

“Kind of. It’s part of my plan. To woo him. Our plan, technically.”

“ _Our_ plan?”

“You gave me the idea!”

Jon shakes his head. “I did not give you any idea! And if I did, I was drunk. But that doesn’t matter because _I did not give you any ideas_.”

“Okay, okay,” Brendon says, raising his hands defensively. “What’s up your butt?”

Jon looks weary. “I helped someone with a plan once. Back in my days with The Academy.”

Brendon gapes, scooting closer to Jon. He loves when Jon talks about his days before Panic, like they were war stories. “Who was it? Was it Bill Beckett?”

Jon pushes him away and gets up. “I can’t talk about this anymore!”

Brendon’s about to follow him and pester him until he tells the whole story plus all of The Academy’s secrets, but Ryan enters the room and Brendon is always a little immobilized by Ryan.

“Hey,” Ryan says, sliding into Jon’s place with a small smile. 

“Hey,” Brendon says, unable to stop the grin that overtakes him. He likes to think that he and Ryan compliment each other in the best ways - where Ryan’s reserved, he’s a little excessive but it’s okay. They balance each other out. 

Ryan curls up against him slightly. “What’s up with Jon?”

Brendon considers this. “He’s in love with Bill Beckett.”

Ryan laughs, sweet and low. He slings his arm around Brendon. They sit like that for a while, in comfortable silence.

Huh. Comfortable silence. 

He never used to think that was possible. 

 

* * *

 

It’s five shots and three days into the Jersey scene that Brendon decides to stop being such a wimp and project confidence. 

Ryland tells him that. “It’s a secret actor trick,” he whispers and Brendon grins.

Four shots plus two more on the cab back plus Alex’s constant encouragement and Brendon isn’t projecting confidence - he’s fucking _dripping_ it. 

When he gets to the hotel room, Jon and Spencer are sprawled in his bed, playing Mario Kart. Ryan’s on his own bed, looking hot and tortured while reading some pretentious philosophy book.

“What guys - what are you doing here?” Maybe he hiccups a little, but whatever. It’s a confident hiccup. 

“Thanks for ditching us,” Spencer mumbles, totally ignoring Brendon’s very valid question.

He looks over at Ryan for support, but he’s met with a cool indifference.

“I didn’t - I didn’t ditch you.”

Jon wins and whoops, before looking over at Brendon with an unreasonably sad and pathetic expression. “Dude, you totally did! And do. You’re supposed to be _our_ best friend. But now all you care about is Cobra and The Academy.”

Brendon bites his lip, feeling his confidence drain away. Fuck. He was so busy trying to woo Ryan that he forgot to not be awful. 

“I did - didn’t mean to,” he mumbles, trying to keep the guilt out of his voice. 

Spencer frowns at the screen. “We never spend time together anymore. I mean, besides on stage.”

Brendon lights up a little. Here’s his chance, right? Take Ryan out on a date. A little unconventional, maybe, but whatever. 

His confidence is back. 

“What about tomorrow? We’re Jersey, still, and Gabe - Gabe gabe me a bunch of places we could, could go to. Let’s - a restaurant. Nice one. And then movie.”

Jon laughs as Spencer’s car slides over a banana. “Smith, you’re shit. And Brendon, you’re always the most eloquent drunk.”

“Not drunk!” Brendon says, a little too defensive. He takes a step back and trips. Before he can fall, Ryan’s got him by his elbow. 

“Not drunk, huh?” Ryan asks, smiling slightly. He steadies Brendon before moving over so Brendon can sit on his bed too. 

“Just confident,” Brendon tells him, smiling as he collapses onto the bed. 

Ryan cuddles up next to Brendon, playing with his hair gently. And Brendon falls asleep like that, listening to Ryan’s even breathing and the sound of Jon repeatedly kicking Spencer’s ass. 

When he wakes up, it’s three in the morning and Jon and Spencer are asleep on the other bed. Brendon looks at them fondly. They really are his best friends.

He turns around a little to look at Ryan, who’s smiling in his sleep.

Fuck.

He really hopes this works out. 

 

* * *

 

Brendon is really fucking happy there’s no show today because it gives him all the time he needs to get ready. Usually he just throws on the closest clothes that smell bearable and calls it a day but today’s different.  

He has a date to impress. 

So he puts on a nice button-up shirt, borrows Jon’s nicest leather shows, and spends an hour trying to fix his hair and his face. 

And when he’s done with that, he sneaks out of his room and steals flower from the rose bush outside the hotel. Maybe it’s a felony but Gabe told him felonies are romantic. 

Plus, the flowers smell really good. 

He’s taking the stairs up to his room to be sneaky and covert when he runs into Jon. 

Jon eyes him suspiciously. “Why are you dressed so nice?” he asks slowly. “And why do you have flowers?”

Brendon shrugs weakly. “Can’t a guy just dress up and bring flowers to a practice date with a boy he’s in love with?”

Jon’s eyes widen. “Bren, _this_ was the date? Dude, I’m so sorry we’re interrupting. Do you want me to distract Spence or something? You look great, by the way.”

Brendon smiles. He kind of loves Jon Walker.  “No,” he says. “Fuck conventional dates. I miss hanging out with my best friends.”

“Bren, we’re doing this fucking date if it kills us!” And then, “Hey, I thought Alex was your best friend!” 

But Brendon can see his lips twitching and he leans in for a hug all the same. 

Spencer comes skidding down the stair a second later. “Young love,” he stage-whispers. He protests when Brendon pulls him into the embrace but hugs back just the same. 

“Wow,” Ryan’s voice floats from above them. “Now, that’s what I call gay.”

“Ryan Ross, join this group bonding activity right now!” Jon commands. Ryan obeys, squeezing in next to Brendon. Brendon maybe feels his heart beat out of his chest. 

When they pull apart, Ryan looks Brendon up and down. 

“You look nice,” he says lightly. 

“Um,” Brendon says, feeling like he’ll explode from happiness. He clears his throat and thrusts the roses he picked towards Ryan. “I got you these flowers. Because you like flowers. Fashion a flower crown, maybe. Like a princess.”

Ryan stares at Brendon, his mouth quirked slightly up. 

“Off to dinner, then!” Spencer declares, grinning. 

 

* * *

 

Brendon thinks the whole date thing is a little harder to pull off than he thought. When they get to the restaurant, he tries to hold the door open for Ryan but ends up holding it open for pretty much the whole restaurant. 

And then he tries to pull out Ryan’s chair for him but ends up bumping his head against Ryan’s. 

“Ow,” Ryan says faintly. 

“Sorry,” Brendon mumbles. “Sorry, sorry, sorry.”

He’s not sure if he’s imagining it but he thinks the waiter smirks at him. 

“Um,” Brendon says, rubbing his head lightly, “Guys. Whatever you want, it’s on me.”

Jon frowns at his menu. “No, man, it’s my turn to pay. Spencer paid last time, so it’s me.”

Brendon frowns. “No, I mean. Like. Outside of that. I just wanna pay.”

“Why?” Spencer asks, looking up at Brendon curiously. 

Jon catches Brendon’s eye and hurriedly adds “No, yeah, that’s cool.”

“Ow!” Spencer yelps, rubbing his knee under the table. He glares at Jon but mumbles “Fine, God” under his breath. 

“I’m Sean, by the way,” their waiter interjects. Brendon catches the way his eyes linger on Ryan. 

He also catches Sean’s perfect hair and chiseled jawline. 

“We’re not ready to order,” Brendon says quickly. “So.”

“That’s fine," Sean says, smiling patiently. “I’ll be here, _waiting_!”

Ryan and Spencer laugh appreciatively. Jon shoots Brendon a sympathetic look. 

Brendon buries his head in the menu and tries not to stare obsessively at Ryan. 

He fails, obviously, but Ryan catches his eyes and smiles lightly. 

 

* * *

 

“So,” Sean says, deliberately holding their check just out of Brendon’s grasp.  “Ryan. I get off at ten.”

Ryan looks up from his phone to smile awkwardly at Sean. “Wow. Cool, that sounds - sounds fun for you.”

Sean nods, biting his bottom lip a little. “Yeah, uh-,”

“Here,” Brendon interrupts, slapping a hundred dollar bill in Sean’s hand. “Keep the change.”

Spencer frowns and Jon looks mildly alarmed. Sean grins. “Hey, thanks!” He turns to Ryan one more time. “Anyway, does your phone come with a number?”

“I didn’t know phones came without numbers,” Ryan says curiously. “Is that a thing?”

“Jon and I,” Brendon announces loudly, “are adjourning. To the bathroom. And the movie’s in half an hour. So, try not to dawdle.” He stars extra hard at Ryan when he says “dawdle”, hoping he can convey something about how, despite his billions of flaws and shortcomings and everything wrong with him, he’s the only meant for Ryan. 

Spencer sighs loudly but Brendon ignores him, grabbing Jon by the sleeve and dragging him to the bathroom. 

“Ryan is going to marry Sean the waiter!” he hisses, gripping Jon’s jacket. “Jon, how could you let this happen?”

Jon gently pries Brendon off him and smiles reassuringly. “Brendon, it’s fine. Don’t worry about it. Trust me.”

Brendon’s about to ask Jon how he can ever trust again when Ryan rounds the corner, panting a little. 

“We have to go,” he says a little frantically. “Honestly, we can leave Spencer behind if we have to.”

“He’s pretty thrifty,” Jon says thoughtfully. “He could find his way to us.”

“Thanks,” Spencer says wryly, popping up from out of nowhere. He does that often, Brendon realizes. 

“Can we please go to the movie now?” Ryan asks. 

Spencer snorts but Ryan glares at him and he shuts up. 

“Yeah,” Brendon says, studying Ryan’s face a little. “Let’s go.”

 

* * *

 

“We’re watching Orphan,” Brendon reminds everyone when they're at the movie theater. Gabe told him it was absolutely imperative to watch a scary movie. 

“Brendon,” he had said with his arm wrapped around William, “horror is a catalyst for love. That’s how William got me. I was all hot and bothered and really terrified and he protected me. That’s what you want in a man. Someone who can protect you.”

Brendon is _so_ ready to protect Ryan. 

Spencer groans. “No!”

Fuck. He forgot this was supposed to be about friends, not seduction. Well. Friends and seduction. 

“We don’t have to watch it,” he tells Spencer, only a little sadly. “Let’s just sneak into Alvin and the Chipmunks 2.”

“No!” Ryan interjects forcefully. 

“You watched the first one with us,” Brendon reminds him and Ryan groans.

“You were pouting. It was not a fair fight.”

“You know what?” Spencer says. “Fuck the media and fuck Ryan. I loved the first movie.”

“Me too,” Jon proclaims. “But Brendon had his heart set on Orphan. We could split up?”

“Yeah, let’s split up,” Ryan says, a little too quickly. He tugs at Brendon’s hand, pulling him towards Orphan. “Bye,” he calls over his shoulder. 

Brendon thinks his heart might burst out of his chest. “I don’t get it,” he mumbles. 

“Don’t get what?” Ryan asks, pulling them to seats in the back row. The movie theater is totally empty.

“You know Orphan isn’t a foreign movie, right?” he asks, trying really hard not to think about how easy it would be to kiss Ryan right here and now. 

Ryan’s mouth quirks up. “I know.”

“And you know it’s not like, indie satire, right? Or a documentary. Or a _foreign_ documentary.”

Ryan’s full out grinning now. “Brendon, I know. Now, move.” Brendon obliges and Ryan pushes up the armrest between them. He presses his leg against Brendon’s and okay, Brendon’s heart is actually exploding. 

The lights dim and Ryan pulls him closer. He wraps his arms around Brendon for a second, whispering something like “Don’t leave us again,” before letting go. Brendon closes his eyes briefly, trying to compose himself. 

When he opens them, Ryan’s staring at the movie screen with a smile playing on his lips. Brendon scoots closer. 

“What happened at the restaurant?” he whispers into Ryan’s ear, even though the movie hasn’t started and there’s no one even there. 

He watches with fascination as Ryan shivers a little and the hair on his neck stands up. “Nothing,” Ryan mumbles, his voice a little strained. “He was just - Sean - just being weird. And he kept asking me questions. I think he was flirting with me, I don’t know. It was weird so I just ran.”

Brendon laughs quietly, still leaning into Ryan’s ear. Ryan turns to him, his eyes a little dark. “Brendon -,” he starts, before faltering.

“Yeah?” Brendon whispers, so aware of how desperate and needy he sounds. Ryan’s thumb curls against his pulse and Brendon can feel his breath hitch a little. If anything happened, it would be now, with their faces so close and barely illuminated, lines blurred and beautiful. He should kiss Ryan, he thinks, he should kiss Ryan and he’s going to, he has to, he just -

“Fuck, man!” someone curses loudly and they both jump. There’s a loud stream of obnoxious laughter followed by a group of teetering teenage boys, clutching large buckets of popcorn and thermoses that Brendon is almost 100% sure are _not_ filled with green tea. 

Brendon hates them more than he has ever hated anyone or anything in his entire life. He slumps back in his chair, glaring at the back of their heads as they sit directly in front of him and Ryan. 

“Crazy Jersey parties,” Ryan whispers, laying his head on Brendon’s chest. Brendon grins, moving his hand to rest in Ryan’s hair. 

And, yeah, the moment is lost and they don’t kiss and really, Brendon doesn’t end up protecting Ryan so much as he does climbing into Ryan’s lap and boring his head in Ryan’s neckerchief because the Orphan is _terrifying_ , but Ryan still says “I really had fun” before Jon and Spencer crash into their hotel room and play Mario Kart for the umpteenth time that week. 

Lying next to Ryan and listening to his best friends laughing, Brendon can’t really help but think the night was kind of a success. 

 


End file.
